Advice On Dealing With Anger

 

Anger is one of the evil whispers
of Shaytan, which leads to so many evils and tragedies, of which
only Allah knows their full extent. For this reason Islam has a
great deal to say about this bad characteristic, and the Prophet
(saws) described cures for this “disease” and ways to limit its
effects, among which are the following:

(1) Seeking refuge with Allah
from the Shaytan:

Sulayman ibn Sard said: “I was sitting
with the Prophet (saws), and two men were slandering one another.
One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were
standing out. The Prophet (saws) said, ‘I know a word which, if
he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said “I seek
refuge with Allah from the Shaytan,” what he feels (i.e., his anger)
would go away.’” (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 6/337)

The Prophet (saws) said: “If a man
gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allah,’ his anger will
go away.” (Saheeh al-Jaami‘ al-Sagheer, no. 695)

(2) Keeping silent:

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said:
“If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” (Reported by
Imam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 1/329; see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, 693, 4027)

This is because in most cases, the
angry person loses self control and could utter words of kufr (from
which we seek refuge with Allah), or curses, or the word of divorce
(talaaq) which would destroy his home, or words of slander which
would bring him the enmity and hatred of others. So, in short, keeping
silent is the solution which helps one to avoid all that.

(3) Not moving:

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said:
“If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down,
so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down.”

The narrator of this hadeeth is Abu
Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him), and there is a story connected
to his telling of it: he was taking his camels to drink at a trough
that he owned, when some other people came along and said (to one
another), “Who can compete with Abu Dharr (in bringing animals to
drink) and make his hair stand on end?” A man said, “I can,” so
he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr, with the result
that the trough was broken. (i.e., Abu Dharr was expecting help
in watering his camels, but instead the man misbehaved and caused
the trough to be broken). Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down,
then he laid down. Someone asked him, “O Abu Dharr, why did you
sit down then lie down?” He said: “The Messenger of Allah (saws)
said: . . .” and quoted the hadeeth. (The hadeeth and this story
may be found in Musnad Ahmad, 5/152; see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, no.
694).

According to another report, Abu
Dharr was watering his animals at the trough, when another man made
him angry, so he sat down . . . (Fayd al-Qadeer, al-Manaawi, 1/408)

Among the benefits of this advice
given by the Prophet (saws) is the fact that it prevents the angry
person from going out of control, because he could strike out and
injure someone, or even kill - as we will find out shortly - or
he could destroy possessions and so on. Sitting down makes it less
likely that he will become overexcited, and lying down makes it
even less likely that he will do something crazy or harmful. Al-‘Allaamah
al-Khattaabi, may Allah have mercy on him, said in his commentary
on Aboo Daawood: “One who is standing is in a position to strike
and destroy, while the one who is sitting is less likely to do that,
and the one who is lying down can do neither. It is possible that
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the
angry person to sit down or lie down so that he would not do something
that he would later regret. And Allah knows best.”(Sunan Abee Daawood,
with Ma‘aalim al-Sunan, 5/141)

(4) Following the advice of the
Prophet (saws):

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased
with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet (saws), “Advise
me.” He said, “Do not become angry.” The man repeated his request
several times, and each time the Prophet (saws) told him, “Do not
become angry.”(Reported by al-Bukhari, Fath al-Baaree, 10/456)

According to another report, the
man said: “I thought about what the Prophet (saws) said, and I realized
that anger combines all kinds of evil.”(Musnad Ahmad, 5/373)

(5) Do not become angry and Paradise
will be yours (a saheeh hadeeth, see Saheeh al-Jaam‘, 7374.
Ibn Hajr attributed it to al-Tabaraanee, see al-Fath 4/465):

Remembering what Allah has promised
to the righteous (muttaqeen) who keep away from the causes of anger
and struggle within themselves to control it, is one of the most
effective ways of extinguishing the flames of anger. One of the
ahaadeeth that describe the great reward for doing this is: “Whoever
controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon
it, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection.”(Reported
by al-Tabaraanee, 12/453, see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, 6518)

Another great reward is described
in the Prophet’s (saws) words: “Whoever controls his anger at the
time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will call him before
all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose
of the Hoor al-‘Ayn whoever he wants.”(Reported by Aboo Daawood,
4777, and others. It is classified as hasan in Sahih al-Jaami‘,
6518).

(6) Knowing the high status and
advantages offered to those who control themselves:

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said:
“The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling);
rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets
angry.” (Reported by Ahmad, 2/236; the hadeeth is agreed upon) .
The greater the anger, the higher the status of the one who controls
himself. The Prophet (saws) said: “The strongest man is the one
who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise,
is able to defeat his anger.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad, 5/367, and
classified as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3859)

Anas reported that the Prophet (saws)
passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked, “What is this?”
They said: “So-and-so is the strongest, he can beat anybody.” The
Prophet (saws) said, “Shall I not tell you who is even stronger
then him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls
his anger, has defeated his own Shaytan and the Shaytan of the one
who made him angry.”(Reported by al-Bazzaar, and Ibn Hajr said its
isnaad is saheeh. Al-Fath, 10/519)

(7) Following the Prophet’s (saws)
example in the case of anger:

The Prophet (saws) is our leader
and has set the highest example in this matter, as is recorded in
a number of ahaadeeth. One of the most famous was reported by Anas,
may Allah be pleased with him, who said: “I was walking with the
Messenger of Allah (saws), and he was wearing a Najraanee cloak
with a rough collar. A Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the
edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar.
Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of Allaah
that he had. The Prophet (saws) turned to him and smiled, then ordered
that he should be given something.”(Agreed upon. Fath al-Baaree,
10/375)

Another way in which we can follow
the example of the Prophet (saws) is by making our anger for the
sake of Allah, when His rights are violated. This is the kind of
anger which is praiseworthy. So the Prophet (saws) became angry
when he was told about the imam who was putting people off the prayer
by making it too long; when he saw a curtain with pictures of animate
creatures in ‘Aa’ishah’s house; when Usaamah spoke to him about
the Makhzoomee woman who had been convicted of theft, and he said
“Do you seek to intervene concerning one of the punishments prescribed
by Allah?”; when he was asked questions that he disliked, and so
on. His anger was purely for the sake of Allah.

(8) Knowing that resisting anger
is one of the signs of righteousness (taqwaa):

The righteous (al-muttaqoon) are
those praised by Allah in the Qur'an and by His Messenger (saws).
Paradise as wide as heaven and earth has been prepared for them.
One of their characteristics is that they (interpretation of the
meaning) “spend (in Allah's Cause) in prosperity and in adversity,
[they] repress anger, and [they] pardon men; verily, Allah loves
al-muhsinoon (the good-doers).” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:134]

These are the ones whose good character
and beautiful attributes and deeds Allaah has mentioned, and whom
people admire and want to emulate. One of their characteristics
is that (interpretation of the meaning) “. . . when they are
angry, they forgive.” [al-Shooraa 42:47]

(9) Listening to reminders:

Anger is a part of human nature,
and people vary in their anger. It may be difficult for a man not
to get angry, but sincere people will remember Allah when they are
reminded, and they will not overstep the mark. Some examples follow:

Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased
with him) reported that a man sought permission to speak to 'Umar
ibn al-Khattaab (may Allah be pleased with him), then he said: “O
son of al-Khattaab, you are not giving us much and you are not judging
fairly between us.” ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) was so
angry that he was about to attack the man, but al-Hurr ibn Qays,
who was one of those present, said: “O Ameer al-Mu’mineen, Allah
said to His Prophet (saws) (interpretation of the meaning): ‘Show
forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish’
[al-A‘raaf 7:199]. This man is one of the foolish.” By Allah, ‘Umar
could go no further after al-Hurr had recited this aayah to him,
and he was a man who was careful to adhere to the Book of Allah.(Reported
by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 4/304).

This is how the Muslim should be.
The evil munaafiq (hypocrite) was not like this when he was told
the hadeeth of the Prophet (saws) and one of the Companions said
to him, “Seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan.” He said to the
one who reminded him, “Do you think I am crazy? Go away!”(Reported
by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 1/465). We seek refuge with Allah from failure.

(10) Knowing the bad effects of
anger:

The negative effects of anger are
many; in short they cause damage to one’s own self and to others.
The angry person may utter words of slander and obscenity, he may
attack others (physically) in an uncontrolled manner, even to the
point of killing. The following story contains a valuable lesson:

‘Ilqimah ibn Waa’il reported that
his father (may Allah be pleased with him) told him: “I was sitting
with the Prophet (saws) when
a man came to him leading another man by a rope. He said, ‘O Messenger
of Allah, this man killed my brother.’ The Messenger of Allah (saws)
asked him, ‘Did you kill him?’ He said, ‘Yes, I killed him.’ He
asked, ‘How did you kill him?’ He said, ‘He and I were hitting a
tree to make the leaves fall, for animal feed, and he slandered
me, so I struck him on the side of the head with an axe, and killed
him.’ . . .” (Reported by Muslim, 1307, edited by al-Baaqi).

Anger could lead to less than killing,
such as wounding and breaking bones. If the one who caused the anger
runs away, the angry person turns his anger in on himself, so he
may tear his clothes, or strike his cheeks, or have a fit, or fall
unconscious, or he may break dishes and plates, or break furniture.

In the worst cases, anger results
in social disasters and the breaking of family ties, i.e., divorce.
Ask many of those who divorced their wives, and they will tell you:
it was in a moment of anger. This divorce results in misery for
the children, regret and frustration, a hard and difficult life,
all as a result of anger. If they had remembered Allah, come to
their senses, restrained their anger and sought refuge with Allah,
none of this would have happened. Going against the Shariah only
results in loss.

The damage to health that results
from anger can only be described by doctors, such as thrombosis,
high blood pressure, tachycardia (abnormally rapid heartbeat) and
hyperventilation (rapid, shallow breathing), which can lead to fatal
heart attacks, diabetes, etc. We ask Allah for good health.

(11) The angry person should think
about himself during moments of anger:

If the angry person could see himself
in the mirror when he is angry, he would hate himself and the way
he looks. If he could see the way he changes, and the way his body
and limbs shake, how his eyes glare and how out of control and crazy
his behaviour is, he would despise himself and be revolted by his
own appearance. It is well-known that inner ugliness is even worse
than outer ugliness; how happy the Shaytan must be when a person
is in this state! We seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan and
from failure.

(12) Du‘aa’:

Du'a’ is always the weapon of the
believer, whereby he asks Allah to protect him from evil, trouble
and bad behaviour and seeks refuge with Him from falling into the
pit of kufr or wrongdoing because of anger. One of the three things
that can help save him is: being fair at times of contentment and
of anger (Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3039). One of the du‘aa’s of the Prophet
(saws) was:

“O Allah, by Your knowledge of the
Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long
as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know
death is good for me. O Allah, I ask You to make me fear You in
secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in
times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant
in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings,
and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept
Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the
joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without
going through diseases and misguiding fitnah (trials). O Allah,
adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who
are guided. Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.”

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